So, You're a Teacher Now! Navigating the Dual Roles of Parent and Teacher

By Monica McGuire & Norrine Russell, Ph.D

With schools suddenly closed, many parents are finding themselves thrust into the unexpected role of school teacher. Not surprisingly, this can be a tough transition.

For one thing, the relationship between a teacher and child is very different than that of a parent and child. The teacher/child relationship has clear boundaries and for the most part, this relationship is short-term, often lasting only a year. While teachers, especially elementary teachers, are concerned about and invested in your child's mental and emotional needs, their main objective is to teach your child a prescribed curriculum.

A parent and child relationship is far more complex. Your relationship with your child is life-long and although your child’s education is important, the most important aspect of your relationship is your connection to one another. Maintaining a strong connection with your child, especially in this time of flux and uncertainty, is a top priority. More than ever, children need to feel safe which for many means feeling seen, valued, and loved. If you are a natural helper (read perfectionist) like I am, your first instinct may be to institute yourself as the authority in your child’s e-learning. You may insist on looking over everything for them and developing a plan of attack. And, depending on your child’s age and strengths/weaknesses, this may be just what they need. But what if it isn’t. Just because you are anxious about being a teacher, doesn’t mean that your child is anxious about taking on the world of e-learning.

Being present and available may be the very best thing you can do. Remember that a parent’s role changes as the child grow older from manager to coach to consultant, so do your best to match your support to their developmental level. (To read more about adjusting your role as your child grows click HERE.)

So how about seeing what happens first. Sit back and let your child navigate their own learning. Wait and see when, where, how, and IF they need your help. Nothing boosts a person’s self-esteem more quickly than the ability to do something for one’s self. Maybe your child can already do that. Certainly, my own children know more about navigating the online world than I do. Be prepared for your child to teach you a thing or two. Children are sponges and have a lot to share with a true listening ear.

Empower yourself. You are the teacher now and you get to call the shots. Is your child overwhelmed by too much to do? Then slash those assignments down to a manageable size. A neighbor of mine recently withdrew her seventh-grade son from a class. His private school is trying to maintain their level of rigorous education even while the students are at home. But she has decided that mental health is their top priority right now. She’s letting her son lead his learning, but also paying attention to his stress-levels and general mental state. She is looking for balance in their lives. And she is open to change. Each day she is observing her son and reevaluating his classes and assignments.

Taking control of our child’s education requires keeping things in perspective by understanding that their education will not be made or lost during these weeks off from school. Some experts even say that middle school or high school itself will not make or break a child’s education. So, whatever your child learns or doesn’t learn before next year, they are going to be fine.

Finally, if your child sees a therapist or medical professional for anxiety, depression, autism, ADHD, or other psychiatric diagnoses, please reach out to them and ask for their guidance. They will be invaluable to you during this time. Many of our kids with those conditions may need support from their therapist or medical provider. Stay connected and stay healthy!

About the Authors

Dr. Norrine Russell, Ph.D. is the founder and owner of Russell Coaching. With twenty years of experience creating positive youth development and parenting education programs, Dr. Russell has extensive knowledge of child development, learning styles, special needs, and positive parenting philosophies. She blends this knowledge to provide students and parents with comprehensive support and the tools they need to grow and thrive. You can read her full bio HERE.

Monica McGuire is a writer and parent who believes all relationships, including parent-child relationships, flourish under mutual respect, curiosity, kindness, and compassion. She lives in Michigan with her family where she is constantly being challenged to listen to, understand, and appreciate her teenagers’ points of view. You can reach her at monicamcguire100@gmail.com.