Self-Awareness (A Social-Emotional Skill)

By Monica McGuire, Director of Communications, Russell Coaching

This week we are exploring the importance of self-awareness. When your student is self-aware, they can recognize their emotions, values, strengths, and challenges. They can also recognize how these traits influence their behavior. When your student is able to recognize their own strengths, their self-confidence grows and they begin to feel it is possible to reach their goals. Self-awareness also makes it easier for your student to adapt their behaviors in social situations. Here are three ways you can help your student build self-awareness.

Model an openness to feedback.

Most of us don’t enjoy being criticized, but the ability to respond openly to feedback is an important skill. Share with your student examples of when you have received feedback from others and how it has influenced you. You can also model your openness by providing opportunities for your student to provide feedback on something you did or on the way you handled an interaction with them. This isn’t to say they are allowed to criticize your every move, but giving careful consideration to their thoughts and feelings will model for them healthy ways to process feedback. 

My own seventeen-year-old son often pushes me to examine my conventional decision making. For example, one time I made him join us for dinner with family friends when he didn’t want to go. He challenged me again the next day about having to attend. It took me a while to process out why it was so important to me for him to go. Eventually, I realized I had felt a social pressure to have him come along — my friend had invited the whole family and I thought it would hurt her feelings if my son didn’t come too. It wasn’t until my son challenged me that I realized I’d been protecting my friend’s feelings at the expense of my son’s. Because of his feedback, I gained some self-awareness and also demonstrated for my son the ability to process feedback in a positive way. As a bonus, he learned that speaking his truth could result in an apology and changed behavior. 

Practice labeling emotions.

Help you student understand their emotions and the emotions of others by labeling them. When you experience a tough emotion, label it out loud for your student. “I’m really missing our cat today. I’m so sad he died.” When watching television together, ask your student about the emotions of the characters in the show. “How do you think Bill felt when his brother played that joke on him?” Finally, ask your student about their own emotions. If they seem to be having a rough day, ask them how they are feeling? If they can’t label their feeling, give them some choices and see if you can help them identify what is going on. Being able to label their emotions will help them understand themselves and lead to greater self-awareness.

Regularly discuss successes and failures.

Talk with your student about your own successes and failures and ask them about theirs. For example, “I had a project at work that didn’t turn out quite as I planned. Looking back I realized I didn’t start on it soon enough. Next time I get an assignment like this I will start on it sooner, so I have the time to include all the details I want.” Did your student just have a test or a soccer game? Ask them if it turned out the way they wanted. Did they do everything they could to prepare? Is there something they would do differently next time? If something worked out really great, what do they think they did that made it turn out so well? Sharing your own reflections and asking questions like these can help your student internalize a process of self-reflection which in turn can lead to greater self-awareness. 

Modeling an openness to feedback, practicing labeling emotions, and regularly discussing successes and failures can help your student gain the skills they need to become self-aware. Becoming self-aware can lead to greater self-confidence and improved social interactions, which ultimately can lead your student towards a happier life. 

Additional Resources:

https://www.understood.org/en/friends-feelings/empowering-your-child/self-awareness/the-importance-of-self-awareness (includes a link to a self-awareness worksheet for students)

About the Author

Monica McGuire is a writer and parent who believes all relationships, including parent-child relationships, flourish under mutual respect, curiosity, kindness, and compassion. She lives in Michigan with her family where she is constantly being challenged to listen to, understand, and appreciate her teenagers’ points of view. You can reach her at monicamcguire100@gmail.com.