Parental Roles: How They Change as Your Child Grows
By Norrine Russell, Ph.D. & Monica McGuire
As children grow, mature and change the amount of direction, control and autonomy they need from their parents transforms as well. Over time, a parent’s roles change from manager to coach to consultant.
Elementary School — the Manager Years
Elementary school students can perform many self-care tasks on their own, but still need help regulating their days. Knowing how to stick to a schedule and how to complete tasks in a timely manner are skills that are still developing during these years. Parents can help children by setting clear expectations and creating routines that help them meet their goals. Children will need a high level of feedback from parents during this time as well as consistent oversight.
Middle School — the Coaching Years
Middle school is a time to start pulling back from managing and to start coaching. Engage your child in setting goals and habits by asking questions — What do you want? How can you make that happen? During this time parents can introduce students to different ideas and opportunities and help them navigate their interests and goals. Middle school is a time for increased responsibility and independence.
High School — the Consultant Years
By high school, your teen should be able to self-regulate in some areas and be developing good self-awareness in others. Like any worthwhile consultant, your job is no longer to manage or even coach their lives, but rather to be available and accessible with helpful advice when it is needed.
These are general guidelines for parents, that will change based on your child’s personality and needs. Some children are very independent and mature and may ask for your input and advice as a consultant in the early teen years. Other children may need management through middle school, perhaps because of executive functioning deficits or developmental delays as is common with ADHD.
Whatever the needs of a child, the parenting approach should adjust and change as the child develops. By giving your child the space to grow in independence and self-awareness you are helping them build self-esteem and laying the foundation for productive and meaningful adult years.
About the Authors
Dr. Norrine Russell, Ph.D. is the founder and owner of Russell Coaching. With twenty years of experience creating positive youth development and parenting education programs, Dr. Russell has extensive knowledge of child development, learning styles, special needs, and positive parenting philosophies. She blends this knowledge to provide students and parents with comprehensive support and the tools they need to grow and thrive. You can read her full bio HERE.
Monica McGuire is a writer and parent who believes all relationships, including parent-child relationships, flourish under mutual respect, curiosity, kindness, and compassion. She lives in Michigan with her family where she is constantly being challenged to listen to, understand, and appreciate her teenagers’ points of view. You can reach her at monicamcguire100@gmail.com.