Helping Your Student Find Their Motivation

If you read the title of this blog and pictured yourself on a wild treasure hunt looking for that elusive motivation that you feel should be a driving force in your child’s life, welcome to the chase for the giant X. You may have found yourself spinning in circles and retracing your steps trying to figure out how to help your child find what motivates them. How do we create motivation when we expect it to just be there? Why has it not been found by now? Is it ever going to be found? Good news treasure seekers! With a little understanding of the ADHD brain, coupled with some ongoing research, we can better understand and increase motivation.

Motivation

Let’s first understand the two major types of motivation, internal and external. Internal motivation (intrinsic motivators) stem from one’s desire to accomplish something for their own pleasure. It is a choice they make based on their interests, preferences, goals, or desire. For example, let’s assume you developed an interest in growing blueberry bushes. You currently know nothing about it, but you want to learn as much as you can. You begin to watch YouTube videos from agricultural experts, attend seminars, visit greenhouses and local farms all because you are motivated to learn about this new field. No one is paying you to learn. No one is threatening you to learn or confronting you with an extreme punishment for not learning these skills. The payoff for all this work is worth it, in your mind, because you have a genuine desire to grow blueberries.

Conversely, external motivation is when actions are taken because others have asked it of you. Often rewards, or punishments, are tied to external motivators and that is what drives results. Going back to our blueberry example, if someone is paying you to take over farm acreage and develop a blueberry orchard, your reasons for learning are because someone else is encouraging you to do so. They are offering money, which is one of the most common external motivators. 

With those differences laid out, be cautious not to view one type of motivation as good and one as bad. External motivators, particularly positive ones like rewards, can be incredibly powerful and sometimes a great starting point for when internal motivation hasn’t fully taken hold. As Dr. Saline points out in her ADHD, Engaged and Motivated article, the adult brain only fully develops in the early 20s. We also know that the ADHD brain can be up to 3 years delayed in development. 

So what does that mean? Asking our teenage students to have the mental capacity, self-awareness, and be guided by intrinsic motivators, when their brain will only physically be ready for these tasks in future years, is like ripping your treasure map in half and throwing a part away. You’re going to go in circles, become frustrated, and struggle to reach any real resolution. Instead, tape the map together and look at the other half of the map - external motivators.

Motivation & The ADHD Brain

For students with an ADHD brain, when there is no perceived reward or pleasurable benefit from accomplishing a task, focus and commitment begin to wean. If homework is to be done, ‘simply because it’s homework’, that’s assuming one’s internal motivation is strong enough to carry out the action. In reality, you’re very likely to see your student lose focus, be unable to sustain their attention and move to an activity that does elicit a reward. This may look like they’re making an intentional choice by choosing to play a game on the computer instead of their homework. It absolutely can feel like disobedience because you’re thinking, ‘I told you to finish this homework before you could play on the computer’. But, in reality, these actions are simply a result of their brain development. The ADHD brain struggles to stay focused when there is no perceived reward.

Rather, we need to build a system of rewards available for students to continue to motivate them to accomplish their tasks. We are going to create external motivation. In Dr. Barkley’s article, he encourages parents to offer rewards in the immediate or very near future, not weeks into the future. Short term or instantaneous payoffs are understandable for the ADHD brain. Individuals will accomplish a task because of that really great treat waiting for them at the end.

Somewhere at this point the words ‘bribery’ and ‘spoiling’ are creeping into your head. Try your best to quiet those thoughts because what you’re doing is continuing the great hunt in helping your child find their motivation. Begin to pay attention to what excites your child. What are they always asking to buy, play, or do? Where do they love to eat?  These are the clues your child is laying for you, helping you to identify their motivation. And then, when you have a feel for what might motivate your child, be generous. Remember, you’re looking for progress, not perfection. If you notice they started their homework after only three verbal prompts and not the normal five, highlight this! If you notice you needed to remind them to take the garbage cans out, but they remembered to bring them back in, praise them! Progress, not perfection.

Rewards look different for all students. Sometimes it’s a small item, an extended curfew, a friend sleeping over, or even verbal praise. Saying something like, “I noticed you have been working really hard on your science project and I know there were a lot of different pieces to this assignment. I really admired how you kept working and didn’t quit when you got frustrated.” This can be incredibly powerful to young ears because it helps them see that the work they’re putting in is noticed, recognized, and something they can be proud of.

Over time, rewards can be more spaced out and the payoff is a little delayed. It’s a balancing act where you essentially hold the external motivators and continue to lay them down to help your child follow the path and stay focused. As they begin to mature, some of these intrinsic motivators become activated and their discipline, determination and pride become stronger. At that point, rewards may slowly be phased out. 

Consistency

Motivation does not happen overnight. It is not improved by ice cream for dinner one night, or a new shirt. It takes time for students to learn how to stay focused and how to make responsible decisions. But be reassured that it will happen. And when you see the intrinsic motivation kick in and less external motivators be required, that’s not just a victory, that is pure gold.