Helping your Student Develop Flexibility (An Executive Function Skill)
By Monica McGuire, Director of Communications, Russell Coaching
This week’s executive function skill is flexibility. Flexibility is the ability to change one’s behavior to do what is expected and acceptable. This type of switching gears can be difficult for many students, especially those who struggle with rigid thinking. These students may struggle with problem-solving, dealing with transitions, and accepting unexpected behaviors. Flexibility is a required skill for successful relationships. It is also a necessary skill for those who want to thrive at home, school, or work. Here are three things you can do to help your student build this important skill.
Provide opportunities to practice flexibility. Have family members take turns making a decision for the whole group. Let one person decide what movie everyone will watch or what restaurant to visit for dinner. I don’t know about your family, but my family can waste hours trying to come up with a movie or restaurant that will please everyone. So why not take turns choosing movies or restaurants with the caveat that everyone has to go along with the chooser’s plan. This approach not only saves time, it also reduces arguing and may even introduce family members to a new favorite movie or restaurant that they may not have tried otherwise. The pleasant surprises that can come from trying something new can help reinforce the perks of being flexible.
Model flexible thinking. When you are approaching a new situation, talk through your choices aloud. “Well, I need to find a new doctor, but I’m not sure the best way to do that. I guess I could ask for suggestions on my Facebook page, but I don’t know if that will work. So I think I will also send a text to a couple of friends I really trust and maybe ask my old doctor for suggestions.” Talking through your thought process and options models for your student that there is more than one way to approach a situation. You can further engage your student by asking for their help. “What do you think of my ideas for finding a doctor? Is there anything else you think I should try?” Asking for help and talking through possible solutions provides an opportunity for your student to see different ways of doing things and helps them develop their own flexible thinking.
Praise flexibility. When you notice that someone in your family is being flexible, call attention to it by thanking that person for their flexibility. For example, when our family takes walks our oldest son tracks our distance and time on his watch and doesn’t like it when we make a pit stop. One day our family stopped to pet a cat for a little while and although he didn’t engage with the cat himself, he stopped and waited for the rest of the family without complaining. “Thank you for not complaining about our stop,” I said. “I appreciate your flexibility.” I got a shrug back but could tell that he’d made a conscious decision not to complain. The benefits of thanking him were twofold — he felt appreciated for his effort and he was reminded that flexibility is a desired trait.
Providing opportunities to practice flexibility as well as modeling and praising flexible thinking help your student build their own flexibility. Being flexible can help your student become a better problem solver, accept unexpected behaviors in others, and deal easier with change. It can also help your student make and keep friends. For all these reasons, the ability to be flexible can help your student have an easier and more fulling life.
For a more in-depth discussion on flexibility, check out the book: Late, Lost, and Unprepared: A Parents’ Guide to Helping Children with Executive Functioning. By Joyce Cooper-Kahn, Ph.D. & Laurie Dietzel, Ph.D. 2008
About the Author
Monica McGuire is a writer and parent who believes all relationships, including parent-child relationships, flourish under mutual respect, curiosity, kindness, and compassion. She lives in Michigan with her family where she is constantly being challenged to listen to, understand, and appreciate her teenagers’ points of view. You can reach her at monicamcguire100@gmail.com.